I want to remember this moment. I want to remember now. I am sitting in a computer lab with David across from me, asking HTML questions. I've got a cup of coffee from Coffee at Delores -- it's the special, maple syrup with whipped cream. The kid next to me is deep in thought about Kierkegaard. There�s a light rain, but the sun shines, and the sound of the rain on the roof mingles with strains from Brian�s guitar as he plucks out the blues on the balcony. My hair is in braids, my cuffs are rolled up, I�m wearing Swedish sandals and a black turtleneck from H&M. My gold bike sits outside in the rain.

I have fought so hard to get to this place, lonely, anxious and sickened. I have overcome the language barrier, the new foods, culture shock in every form: From architecture to supermarkets to etiquette. Saying thanks, but never please. I have fought through hatred for this country, for it�s subdued society and its rigid freedom. I have fought so hard to accept where I am. And instead I just had to accept who I am. Shy. Overly sensitive. A listener and a thinker. And a writer. I will do what I want to do. But I will be aware of myself. Not my faults, but my traits. Things that only show up when you take them out of their background, their context, and then they are cutouts against a new sea.

5/16/2001 08:00:18 AM

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