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Friday, February 15, 2002
quote
"i want to be back in high school -- not because i was happier but because i had so much more potential back then, had time to be a prodigy, hadn't flamed out." -- Maura at maura.com
01:02
Thursday, February 14, 2002
On this Day of the Valentine, the 14th of February in the year 2002, I wish you peace, love, and chocolate.
13:17
Wednesday, February 13, 2002
ashes to ashes
"Remember that you are dust, and to dust you shall return." ... I've never done the Ash Wednesday thing before. My family was never particularly Catholic, it was just another ingrediant in our blood, like the Irish and the German and the platelets. I went today, though, partly because I'd never gone before. And I think it meant something to me now, where it would've just seemed silly when I was younger, to have someone rub ashes on your forehead and send you off into the world again. It was genuinely comforting to be reminded that if *I* am just dust, imagine how ephemeral my problems and responsibilities of the moment are.
19:02
Tuesday, February 12, 2002
losing it
Sometimes life lays out its lessons like a textbook. Like last week, I felt suddenly stricken with the weight of the world. A prof told me in my 8am class that the U.S. lied about definitely needing to use the A-bomb to end World War II, it was mostly for revenge. And what else was I stewing about... injustices that seemed hopeless -- racism, sexism, poverty and war. I got all moody and introspective, wondering why I live in this country and when I can get the hell out. I hadn't felt that way in a while, so it's not like this is a common occurence. No, I was especially fuming, eating lunch with Amanda at Panera, telling her all this stuff. Then we left, because I had to go to work. But I got to work and realized I wasn't wearing my backpack. Now, my backpack mostly contained notebooks, pens, a couple of paperback books and a wallet with no money in it. Yet my world suddenly contracted like the pupil of an eye in sunlight, until I, Me, was the center of it. Screw poverty, oppression and vengeful acts of war, my three paperback books are missing! Amanda called Panera, and I walked back to pick it up, realizing that no matter how much I'd like to fix the world, my own measly possessions still elicit much more concern.
18:12
quiz The great debate in our apartment a few months ago was, "Which Winnie-the-Pooh character are you?" Now, we can find out the truth. It says that I'm Winnie-the-Pooh because I'm gentle and kind, even if I am a little bit slow sometimes. And all I need to be happy is good friends, good food and good fun. Ah, so true.
15:14
quote
"It's easier to pretend that past means past and gone. Then we can really believe we are not who we once were, treat our painful condition as a distant echo of someone else's mistakes. But right here in this body, this form, we feel death and birth in an hour, a day; we are born and die in the space of a single breath." -- Sallie Tisdale
15:05
Monday, February 11, 2002
us
Janelle, Sarah and I spent Friday night on Sarah's bed in our pajamas, drinking milkshakes made with Twix ice cream. We have known each other for ten years now, and we're each others' oldest friends. I realized some things. For one, we haven't been present for four years of each others' lives. That matters more than we understood, more than we wanted it to matter. Entire facets of our personalities have brightened and faded in that time. Our jokes don't always mesh anymore... Are you serious?... Our anecdotes need to be explained and re-explained. Yet sitting together in our triangle on the bed, curled up and talking without thinking, everything felt familiar, too. Sarah's things -- poems, books, photographs, still enclosed us like a favorite blanket. Janelle's analysis of life still made things click in place in my own head. We have new dreams and new fascinations. Janelle bought about ten pounds of ingrediants to make pearl tea. Sarah wants to buy a motorcycle. But underneath it all, everything was the same, including the same old tensions and insecurities. Visiting Sarah at school made all the new things crystal clear, but it also made the familiar stick out like a friendly face in a crowd.
19:56
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