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Friday, June 21, 2002
update
I have lots to write about... at the convocation today, some ordinary graduation things: the super-rush right before my name was called to receive my diploma, the trance-like walk under the hot lights, smile at the enthusiastic applause from my friends, the clockwork handshake, pose for picture, sit down again. Yesterday at commencement, not-so-ordinary graduation things: running to the stadium when we couldn't catch a shuttle, black gowns flapping and caps about to fly away, hopping in Eliina's family's pick-up truck, Amanda stopping traffic so we could make a left turn, jumping out of the truck, running to our places and waiting in the restless herd. Sad graduation things: Sticky hugs in 90-degree heat at our barbecue, last poses for pictures with the whole gang, last long looks and kisses and post-adrenaline depression. Happy graduation things: Conversations about the future, congratulations from professors and friends. Questions: Did I really just graduate? Am I old enough for this? What did I do to deserve this diploma? What does an academic honor mean, and what does it mean that I didn't earn any? What did I really accomplish this year? Am I holding myself back by not believing in myself? How did we all end up here, dressed in caps and gowns, these people that I once met on a sticky 90-degree day not so long ago? Answers: Life doesn't end after college. Good friends will stay. The endless banter in my head argues against itself all day, that this is happy, this is tragic, this is the worst day of my life, this is the best thing I've ever done. I am grateful, in pain, in love, in shock. Somewhere in the swirl, a calm voice speaks softly: Everything will be ok. .... Lots to write about, more to come.
21:39
Thursday, June 20, 2002
quote
"We must be willing to let go of the life we have planned, so as to have the life that is waiting for us." --Joseph Campbell
03:24
Wednesday, June 19, 2002
update
I am balancing time for packing, time with people I like, time with people I love, time to buy shoes for graduation and the formal, time to see old friends and new friends and best friends, time for cleaning and last sandwiches at the deli and last chances to make dinner together. I am balancing last nights to sleep in my bed, last nights to take peaceful walks along the lake, last nights to stay up drinking wine and watching candles burn. Last-minute graduation details: cap, gown, food. Hording time, wasting time. I am ending, beginning, ending, beginning.
02:10
Tuesday, June 18, 2002
quote
"You can hide 'neath your covers and study your pain... Make crosses from your lovers, throw roses in the rain... Waste your summer praying in vain for a saviour to rise from these streets..." -- Bruce Springsteen
10:38
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