I'm doing an Americorps program in Washington, D.C. this year at an organization that works with public elementary schools to get parents more involved in their kids' education. But before I started work, I had to go to an orientation. I drove to D.C. and spent one Saturday and Sunday in August driving around Maryland and Virginia with my friend Mark. Then, Sunday night, Mark dropped me off at the Sheraton Hotel in Arlington, VA, just outside D.C. lines. About 150 new Americorps volunteers from all over the country came together at the Sheraton to learn about team-building, problem-solving and such for four days. Over the course of the week, I also learned that...

It is possible to drive from D.C. to Annapolis down the skinny fingers of the Chesapeake Bay area and back to D.C. in one day.

Do not look for hotels in towns that have almost no houses. Hotels do not exist there.

Do not expect to find a hotel in Salisbury, MD, even though it does have houses. Calling every place in the phone book is futile. It is half an hour from Ocean City, MD. Everyone in the entire world wants to stay there on a given August weekend.

In that same town, the Denny’s may just have a half-hour wait. You may just end up at Wendy’s, with no place to stay, eating a chicken sandwich that tastes like shoes.

But luckily, Salisbury, MD is only a two-hour drive from D.C.

Thomas Jefferson’s house is damn cool. Go Monticello. I want a house like that. With a clock/calendar and bunches of maps in the foyer, a wine cellar, a garden full of plants that are all labeled and fondly cared for (including a linden tree. I really want a linden tree. My name means “from the isle of the linden tree.” )

However I do not condone the whole, you know, slave plantation thing. Ah, Thomas J. In some ways even you were a product of the times.

Taking I-95 from Richmond to D.C. on a Sunday is a bad, bad idea. Taking Route 1, which runs alongside the interstate, is a slightly better idea. But only slightly.

The Sheraton hotel in Arlington, VA is very nice. The nicest hotel I’ve ever been in.

It is possible to walk into a room full of strangers and immediately set your eyes upon the only person in the entire room that you already know. As soon as I walked into the welcome dinner for my Americorps orientation, I saw a girl named Anna who studied abroad with me in Copenhagen. She hugged me.

My roommate at this orientation, Meredith, volunteered at an organization called God’s Love We Deliver, which takes food to people with AIDS, over spring break last year. I’d volunteered there over Christmas break. Turns out, we both delivered food in Queens with the same van driver, a large African-American man with many gold chains named David. He played the rap music loud, called me “Mama” and told great stories about going to high school with LL Cool J.

Two words: Opportunity thinking.

Don’t try to create a play with a group of twenty people. It does not work. We had to come up with a creative way to present the words “transformation” and “balance” to the entire Americorps assemblage of 150 incoming volunteers. We thought we’d come up with a skit. Not so bright. A memorable group member’s quote that summarizes the situation: “I am just NOT a team player.” – girl who hated Americorps the first year she did it, and is back for a second year

Other quotes:

“I’m sick of people telling me that I’m quiet. No shit. I don’t think I’m talking when I’m not.” – a guy during a discussion on how people see us

“I just don’t know how I’m going to deal with all of those plus-sized African-American women.” – a guy working at Dress for Success

Sometimes you just have to relax and put things in perspective for a second. Does a two-minute skit really matter all that much?

Feminist lesbian poetry readings can be good. They can also be unfortunate forums for graphic and boring descriptions of sex and I-melt-in-your-arms cliches.

I’m not even brave enough to get up on any stage and read anything, though, so I’m not one to talk.

Riding in the car on a warm summer night with the windows rolled down feels really good. Especially when there’s happy alternative radio stations playing 80s songs.

But it’s easy to get so into the happy music and perfect weather that you decide to keep driving.

At which point you realize you don’t know where you’re going and are lost in downtown Washington, D.C.

The government uses an awful lot of water, even during the current drought, on the greenery near the government buildings and monuments. They could probably drown a small village with those sprinklers.

At night in D.C., the monuments remind me of tombstones in a cemetery under a full moon.

It’s hard to eat combinations of grains and steamed vegetables for dinner every day.

They always put an olive on your plate at every meal at the Sheraton. Just one olive.

The Sheraton has a rooftop swimming pool. Right near the pool, you can see the repair job on a corner of the building. That's where the plane hit on its descent into the Pentagon. Wonder if anyone was swimming at the time.

You can get a government discount on a Sprint or Nextel cell phone if you do Americorps.

But that’s about it for the government benefits.

Pretty much no one wanted to take the Americorps oath at the end of the session. No one wanted to pledge their lives to the Bush administration.

If you’re going to Dupont Circle for drinks on a Friday night, it may be hard to find parking. But do not be tempted to drive into an unattended parking garage. My roommate Meredith and her friend Ed tried this. Then the doors began to close behind them. They tried to get out. They were too late. So they called the “emergency” number listed on a door somewhere. A man said they should wait for someone parked there to drive out, so the door would open. Meredith and Ed freaked out. They planned to be there all night. Luckily someone did drive out. And Ed ran to stand in the sensor so the door would stay open. But the door began to close. Meredith ran to the car. The car, a brown late-1980s Pontiac, was slow to start up. Ed (smooth, calm former Brit, chain smoker) panicked and tried to hold up the door. Car started. Door stopped. They escaped.

Another lesson from Meredith: If you’re driving around Dupont Circle and smoke begins to billow from your car’s engine, pull over and call Triple A. We waited together for the tow truck amidst throngs of well-groomed young people stumbling around drunk.

6:44 AM

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